


Partly Cuddly, With Chances of Rage

by AnonEhouse



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Fusion, Alternate Universe - Sentinels & Guides, Gen, Happy Ending, Humor, Loki is a villain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-28
Updated: 2014-03-28
Packaged: 2018-01-17 09:01:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1381663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/AnonEhouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony has always liked the idea of Sentinels. So they're not perfect. That just adds to the appeal for him, because Tony's always known that he had a laundry list of personal defects and he feels a certain kinship towards them.</p><p>Like to like, you know?</p><p>(This is not actually a Sentinel fusion. It just borrows a few key concepts, and twists them.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Partly Cuddly, With Chances of Rage

**Author's Note:**

> I've never seen The Sentinel, but I believe in the original canon, 'guide' was a one-time passing reference to a character's supportive relationship with the Sentinel, with no overtones of any psychic bonds, just a good friendship. Also, while there were spirit animals in the Sentinel, I suspect they weren't tangible, and weren't visible to anyone outside of dreams/hallucinations. I bend canon to fit the needs of the story.
> 
> This AU also diverged from MCU canon in a number of ways. Among other things, the time line was sped up so that a) Bruce never learned to control the Hulk transformation, b) Fury didn't have time to give prospective Avengers full dossiers, and c) Odin hadn't time to gather enough dark energy to send Thor back to Earth. Without Thor, they don't know Loki had intended to bring an alien army to Earth.

(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)

**Stark Mansion, many years ago**

"Was Cap'in America a Sen'el?" Tony asked his father, having sneaked in to the study to watch the old newsreels Howard sometimes played late at night.

"No, he was just a very good man." Howard picked up his drink and had a few swallows. "Erskine didn't want a Sentinel. Said it would skew the results." Howard huffed. "Sentinels. Guides. What nonsense. It's all self-serving pseudo-science." Howard said it again, like a tongue-twister.

"Momma said..." Tony said quietly.

"Your mother's not a scientist. Go to bed. There's no such things as Sentinels and Guides, and match-mates. Just people with hyperactive nervous systems and their sycophants, pretending to be _sensitive_ ," Howard sneered and set down the empty glass with a thump. "Hogwash. Steve Rogers was worth ten of them."

"But..."

Howard turned to frown at Tony. "Get your thumb out of your mouth. Stark men are made of iron. Straighten up, boy. Sentinels, Guides, fairy tales, magic, it's all an excuse to be weak! You're not weak, are you?"

Tony wiped his thumb off on the side of his pajamas. "No, sir. I'm not weak. I'm a S'ark!"

"Good boy. Now, go to bed. In the morning, I'll let you watch me in the shop. Show you what a real scientist is like!"

"Yes, Daddy!" Tony grinned and ran out of the room.

***

**The Helicarrier, 2012**

"Everything special about you came out of a bottle." Tony felt all twisted when he looked at Rogers. The man _ought_ to be a Sentinel, but no, everyone said he was _better_ than that, because he didn't need a Guide, didn't need anyone at all. Tony knew it wasn't Rogers' fault the sight of him made Tony grind his teeth. The man had been defrosted after seventy years, apparently dumped on his own with less than the usual, pitifully inadequate, returning vet social adjustment assistance, and then was expected to resume heroing on Fury's say-so. Which, to put it mildly, was bullshit.

He grated on Tony's nerves just by his confidence. Tony wanted, needed, to see him vulnerable, but he took Tony's best jabs without flinching, just like dear old dad had said. Better than a Sentinel. Stronger. Self-reliant. If Starks were supposed to be iron, then Rogers was steel. 

Of course Tony could see why the army loved Rogers. Sentinels made lousy soldiers because they had to drag along a delicate shrinking flower of a sense-buddy to keep themselves grounded. Tony was _glad_ that Sentinels were unsuited for war, glad they were peace officers, firemen, rescue workers, detectives, environmental protection agents, any profession where they used their senses to protect in partnership with someone who cared what it cost them, who kept them from ever being alone.

They were the heroes, not Rogers, and sure as hell not Tony, in his shiny metal pajamas. Tony would have liked to have been a Sentinel, able to protect people, but all he could do was invent weapons to protect them, and he'd even got that wrong. Rogers hadn't fucked up. Tony hated him a little for that, too.

"Get the suit and we'll go a few rounds," Rogers said.

Yeah, Tony wanted to do that, wanted to see Rogers admit he wasn't perfect. "I'm not afraid to hit an old man."

Natasha Romanov/ Natalie Rushman, whoever she was today, entered the helicarrier lab, escorting a man wearing a very un-Shield purple shirt and a rumpled tweedy-brown jacket and trousers. Since Tony doubted Fury had professors on staff, he assumed the man was a conscripted scientist like himself. "Mr. Stark, Captain Rogers," NR said, "This is Doctor Bruce Banner. He's an expert in gamma radiation. He's volunteered to help locate the Tesseract."

"Volunteered is stretching a point, don't you think?" Banner said. He took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "This is a bad idea." He waved at Tony. "Making me work with Tony Stark? What genius thought that up?"

"Director Fury has taken precau...," Nat R said, but when Banner jerked his head up and glared at her she stopped talking. She actually appeared frightened. Of course, she was a great spy-actress, but why would she pretend to be frightened of a scientist? Tony was intrigued. Rogers looked pissed off, probably because Banner was being rude, like that was such a terrible thing.

"The mission is more important than personal feelings," Rogers said. Tony felt like waving a flag and going 'rah rah'.

"It's a _very_ bad idea," Banner said. He walked over to the computer, glanced at Loki's staff, and began working. "Didn't Fury tell them anything about me?"

"No," Tony said, "But I remember you, now! Your work on anti-electron collisions is unparalleled. Haven't heard much from you in the last few years. Secret project?" Tony went over to Banner and prodded him to get his attention. Tony hated being ignored and he was piqued that Banner didn't want to work with him.

Banner jumped a little, but the look he turned on Tony was a lot milder than the one Nat had earned. "Don't do that," he said.

"Mr. Stark, please stand away from Dr. Banner," Nat said. She sounded nervous.

Out of spite, Tony threw his arm over Banner's shoulders. "Hey! Scientist bonding going on here! Mundanes can go shoo. Including you, Rogers." 

"Don't!" Nat snapped. "Dr. Banner's temper isn't under control."

"So?" Tony peered into Banner's face. "What? Weak heart? High blood pressure? I can be gentle!"

Banner huffed a laugh, and the tense muscle under Tony's hand loosened. "The problem is, I can't. I... miscalculated." Banner looked at Rogers for the first time. "We were trying to recreate Erskine's serum. I thought we had it. And I... I needed it." His eyes flickered green as he looked at Rogers. "You were sick and it made you perfect. I was sick. So I took it."

Rogers moved closer. "Well, it doesn't look like it did any harm," he said, "even though it didn't make you like me."

Banner growled. He actually growled like a lion. Tony was intrigued. He poked Banner in the ribs. "Do that again, Bruce."

"No, Tony." Banner shook himself. "If I lose it, everyone loses. My tissues are gamma-irradiated, and in combination with the imperfect serum..." Bruce leaned against Tony slightly. "Imagine a giant green muscle-bound gorilla. Imagine it's invulnerable, perpetually enraged, addicted to destruction, and far stronger than it should be." Banner shrugged. "That's... actually a laughably inadequate description of the creature I transform into when I lose my temper."

Tony blinked. "Awesome, Bruce. You have got to show me that sometime."

"What part of 'enraged' and 'destruction' did you not understand, Tony?" Bruce turned his attention back to the equipment. "Anyway, I'm not a free agent. Fury has me on loan from General Ross, and I'll be going back in my cage as soon as we're done."

"Cage?" Tony repeated. He glanced at Rogers. "I'm sure you think the US government would never do anything like imprisoning people without due process. Ever heard of Guantanamo?"

Rogers replied, "Ever heard of the Japanese-American internment camps, Stark? But this is different. Dr. Banner actually is a danger."

"Uh huh, sure, it's different." Bruce said. "They study me. Trying to find out where I've gone wrong. Nice big cage with all the amenities of home, including a state of the art remote sedation system. Got a cage for me here, too, don't you, agent Romanov? Don't bother to lie, I saw it. Nothing fancy, just a drop box. Just in case, you know, you need to ditch a monster in the ocean. We never did test to see how well he swims." 

"Well," Rogers said, "I'm sure it won't come to that." He frowned at Tony. "As long as everyone takes reasonable precautions."

"No, no, that's not happening," Tony said. He'd only met Bruce, but already he knew he liked the guy, and anyone with a brain like his was totally wasted as a lab rat, besides the cruelty of it. "You say your rage monster doesn't know how to swim? How about I set you up on a nice tropical island, piña coladas, fully equipped lab to do whatever the fuck you want? I'd throw in a couple helper robots, but they're not paper-trained yet. Get mad, bash a few trees, no big deal. You couldn't hurt anyone there."

Bruce looked at Tony directly for the first time, and Tony could see he was tempted. "I don't know. I couldn't do much on my own."

"Hey! Have suit, will travel! It might take me a little while to get up to speed in your specialty, but just lend me your Cliff Notes and I'm good." Tony grinned. Bruce just felt so _comfortable_. "Have a blueberry?" Tony held out the opened packet he'd been munching from, and was gratified when Bruce took a handful without hesitation. He waved the packet at Rogers, but of course Rogers looked at him as if he was crazy to have an appetite when the world was in danger. Tony eats when he's nervous. It's a tell, but damn if he cares what other people think of him. He sure doesn't care what Captain Perfect thinks of him.

"General Ross wouldn't give up Dr. Banner easily," Nat said. She sounded not unsympathetic, but practical.

Rogers nodded. "I met him. Tough son of a gun. He said I was still an enlisted serviceman and he could 'claim' me, until Fury pointed out that the Secretary of the Army declared me KIA and BNR two years after my plane went down." In the ensuing silence, Rogers clarified, "That means, 'Killed in Action', 'Body Not Recovered'."

"I got that reference," Tony said. "I'm just surprised they didn't keep you on the Missing in Action rolls. There's guys from WWI still on there."

Rogers took a sharp breath. "Yeah, well...my... a friend wanted closure. And they decided there was enough evidence to call it."

"Oh." Tony felt a tiny twinge of sympathy when he realized the 'friend' would have been 'Aunt' Peggy. KIA wasn't supposed to be declared for emotional reasons, but the army might have bent the rules for a fianceé, especially one who'd gone on to help found SHIELD. After all, Rogers had no family to collect his benefits, no one who would have fought to cling to the hope he'd survived. Even dear old Dad had only been looking for a body to mourn.

"Anyway." Rogers straightened and looked so noble that Tony's fleeting moment of empathy evaporated. "Anyway, if you want to accept Mr. Stark's offer, after we recover the Tesseract, I'd do what I could to help."

"And what could you do?" Bruce asked, with an outward appearance of mildness that Tony felt was just not right. "I mean, thanks, but really, it's a dream, Ross isn't going to let me go."

"You need to stop tiptoeing and learn to strut, big guy," Tony said. "With your brains and my brawn we could do anything." He poked Bruce in the ribs again, and this time Bruce giggled.

Nat and Rogers exchanged a glance of the sort Tony was accustomed to- the 'ok, now I know why people say genius is a fine line away from insanity'. Not that Tony was paying attention to them or anything. Bruce was just absolutely fascinating. The Tesseract was interesting, and Tony was going to have fun sorting through Fury's dirty little secrets once Jarvis Light finished cracking the codes, but _Bruce_ was just amazing. Under his fluffy vanilla coating he was definitely a survivor, just not the flashy kind, like Tony.

Anyway, he didn't have much to do besides get to know Bruce while Nat of the sneaky ninja hypo skills was in the vicinity and liable to be annoyed by Tony digging up the Pirate's buried treasure. Which reminded him. "Why are you two hanging around the lab? Don't you have like, secret soldier spy type things to be doing?"

"They're here to keep an eye on me, Tony," Bruce said. He was still working, multi-tasking like a boss. Tony really wanted to see him in a proper S.I. lab, spreading his wings and earning a few Nobel prizes along the way. 

"No one ordered me to do that," Steve said, apologetically, "just that... well, you'd locate the Tesseract and it would save time if I was here when you found it."

"Uh huh. Even in your time, they had long-distance communication. Radios? Smoke signals?" Tony was calling bullshit on this. "And you?" He looked at Nat. "You're a science groupie?"

Nat gave Tony a _look_. "Believe it or not, Stark, I'm not any happier to be here than you are to have me here." She scowled. "Loki's got a brain-washed group of dangerous people carrying out some plan of his. I know how dangerous they are, I trained with the best of them. All I've been able to get so far is that it involves the Tesseract, and your alter-ego, Dr. Banner. So I'm staying where I'm needed."

Tony was getting angrier by the minute. "You're not needed here, neither of you."

Rogers squared his shoulders, which was really overkill. "You're a big man in a suit of armor, but without it, you're vulnerable."

"You're kidding me. You're here to protect _me_?"

"He does have a point, Tony," Bruce said. He sounded angry, too. "My Other Guy... he flattens _buildings_. You're doing good things in the world. It can't afford to lose you if I snap. And right now... snapping might be _fun._ "

"Dr. Banner," Nat said in a peculiar voice, strained and thin. "Please. Put down the scepter."

Bruce looked down at his hand. He was holding Loki's scepter, which was glowing bright Tesseract blue. "Huh," Bruce said. "You know, maybe I won't." He tightened his grip and looked up, smiling. The brown of his eyes was shifting, blue and green swirling over his irises like watercolor. "Maybe I like it."

Nat and Rogers both responded by readying their weapons, gun and shield drawn and aimed.

"No!" Tony stepped in front of Bruce, shielding him from the others. 

And then things got confusing. There was an explosion and Tony was flying without benefit of suit. He just had time to panic before he hit something that yielded slightly- very slightly, like a metal mesh walkway. Which is what it turned out to be once he finished landing. "We are experiencing minor turbulence. Return your tray tables and seat backs to an upright position," he muttered, looking around and trying to figure out what the hell had just happened. There were more explosions, muffled by distance.

He heard a noise close behind him, pained grunts. He tried to get up, but his leg was trapped under a bent pipe so all he could do was claw himself partly upright and twist around. Dr. Banner was kneeling a few feet away, shuddering and making those unpleasant sounds. "Hey? Hey, Bruce? You all right? Don't move!" Tony squirmed; his leg was uncomfortably squeezed, but not injured. He'd been flung around by enough explosions to judge.

Bruce lifted his head and stared at Tony. His eyes were bright green and his features were expanding to match the bull-swell of his neck and the broadening of his shoulders.

"Oh, awesome," Tony said in delight. "Com'ere!"

Bruce roared and ripped the shreds of shirt from his back and flung it away. He walked over to Tony and bent down to stare at him, green lips pulling back from huge, square teeth.

"Fantastic." Tony reached out to pat Big Bruce on the cheek. "You are gorgeous. Hey, why don't you put those muscles to use, Bruce? Get this offa me?"

"NOT BRUCE," the big green guy growled. He lifted one huge hand and poked at Tony in the shoulder.

"Ow. Ok, fine, what's your name?"

"MONSTER."

"Oh, that's not a name. Eh, Ross is a dick. How about I give you a name?" Tony kept looking at the huge green man, mind whirling as he tried to reconcile his existence with the laws of physics, and failed, woefully.

The big green brows knotted in thought. "GOOD NAME?"

"Sure! Um, let me think." Tony didn't have a great track record with naming bots, and he'd never had a pet, but surely he could come up with something suitable. "Armstrong?"

"NO." Green hands picked up the pipe as if it were made of straw, bending it out of the way. "DUMB NAME."

"Ok, ok, that was just a feeler." Tony crawled out from under the pipe and rubbed at his leg. There was a creak, and the sound of shearing metal. Debris rained down on them. Tony yelped as the big guy grabbed him and pulled him close, bending over to cover him completely. The helicarrier listed. Tony could feel the subliminal vibration of the framework changing. At least one engine had gone.

To hell with thinking of suitable names. "GEORGE! I like George, it's a great name. Come on, George!" Tony scrambled out from under George and began running up the nearest stairs. "I've got to get my suit! Keep up, George!"

"GEORGE?" George smiled. "YES. GEORGE." He jumped after Tony, picking him up and tucking him under one arm without breaking stride.

"Wait, wait! Where's the scepter?" Tony wriggled around enough to look at George's face. George looked embarrassed.

"PUNY SCEPTER."

"You BROKE IT?" Tony let his head droop. He sighed. "Fine, we'll...work something out."

 

George was easily distracted. Tony had to keep patting him on the arm and calling his name to keep him focused on their goal. Well, on Tony's goal. "Could you let me down, George? I'm getting sea-sick," Tony asked once they were on the level where his suit was stored. It was deserted, apparently everyone had gone to their emergency stations. The helicarrier was still groaning and descending, but Tony hadn't heard any new explosions since the one that took out the engine.

George grunted and set Tony down on his feet. He looked around suspiciously but didn't try to stop Tony from going down the corridor to his suit. 

The suiting up mechanism wasn't as sophisticated as the Tower, but it didn't take much longer. George watched the process, and smiled. "GOOD." He leaned forward and sniffed. "GOLD TITANIUM. GOOD."

"Huh," Tony said. "You could smell that?" He turned around. 

"GEORGE SMELL GOOD."

Tony resisted the impulse to make a joke about Body Odor. George had been a lot nicer than Bruce had described him, but Tony wasn't sure he had a sense of humor. Tony stomped off in the direction of the failed engine. "Hey, George, how are you with engines?" Tony looked at George's enormous hands. "Ok, I'll handle the delicate stuff."

"BAD PEOPLE COMING!" George pushed Iron Man behind him, backing him up against the wall.

"Hey!" Tony flailed, but George stood firm. Short of blasting the wall, or George, Tony wasn't going anywhere. 

"STAY! METAL MAN NOT GET HURT. GEORGE PROTECT!"

"That's the whole point of the armor, George!" Tony was exasperated. He pushed, but George leaned back. "Ooof."

"Dr. Banner?"

Tony recognized the voice. "Oh, hey, that's not a bad people, that's Captain Rogers." Tony reached an arm out from behind George and waved. "We're good here! Let's all play nice."

"That doesn't look so good to me," Nat's voice was the next thing Tony heard.

"We need you to repair the engine," Steve said. "The helicarrier was attacked by Loki's people..."

"Not all Loki's people," a male voice Tony didn't recognize spoke. "The brain-washing failed right after I blew up the engine, but some of us were mercenaries. They've freed Loki."

"Well, that doesn't sound good," Tony said and slapped George on the butt. "Friends, George! Come on, you broke Loki's glowstick, but he'll have other tricks, I bet."

George grunted and moved aside, letting Tony out. Tony blinked when he saw the man with the bow and arrows standing next to Rogers. "Really? SHIELD is into retro these days? What's next, a caveman with an axe?"

Rogers sighed. "We don't have time for games, Stark." He gave George a dubious look. "You sure you got him under control?"

Tony patted George on the arm to keep him from smacking Rogers. Tony thought it would be fun, but really, he was right, they were on the clock. "George and I hit it off right away." The helicarrier lurched again. George put a protective arm around Iron Man. 

"Right," Rogers said. "We'll split up, then. Good luck!" Rogers made a sort of 'thataway' gesture, and ran down the corridor flanked by Nat and Robin Hood. 

"Come on, George." Tony started off, but paused after a couple strides when he didn't feel the thump thump of George's massive feet. "George?" George was standing still, staring up at the water misting from a broken pipe. Light coming through a cracked panel made little rainbows around the mist. "Oh, for..." Iron Man stomped back. Tony opened his faceplate. "Hey, hey, George. Look at pretty things later. Fix the flying brick now. Ok?"

George grunted. Tony tugged at his hand. "C'mon." George frowned, then nodded and resumed following Tony. 

 

"Okaay," Tony said after checking the panels and basic wiring to the engine, while George looked around suspiciously. "Looks like it's just jammed by debris and went into emergency shut down to avoid overload. I can clear it, but it'll need a jumpstart." 

"JUMP? GEORGE CAN JUMP GOOD!" George crouched down and swung his arms back, preparing to leap.

"Whoa, whoa. Yeah, I'm sure you can jump great, big guy. But can you fly?"

George straightened. "GEORGE NO FLY."

"Yeah, that's what I thought. You don't need to. See this lever? The red one. No, not that red one, the other red one."

George nodded and put his finger on the lever.

"I'm going to fix the turbine and push it. When it gets up to speed it'll be too fast for me to get out, so you pull that lever down. GENTLY. Here, practice on this broken one. Oh. Maybe this other broken one. GENTLY. You know, you and Dummy are going to get along just fine. All right, third time lucky? You know, this isn't going to work."

"GEORGE NOT STUPID."

"I know, you just... have a lot of you to coordinate. But this is important. I'll be squished if you can't do it when I tell you." 

George scowled and sat down.

"Don't sulk, George." Tony looked around, there had to be someone he could recruit for lever-pulling purposes. There was a soft groan, much softer than anything that had come out of George's mouth. Tony turned back. "Well, hey, welcome back, Bruce!" Tony flipped up his face plate and grinned.

Bruce pulled up his stretched out and frayed trousers, and then looked up at Tony. "Who'd I kill?"

"No one! Look, we're in a hurry here, George- that's other you, he liked the name-- George was helping me, but delicacy's not really his thing, so..."

"Wait, what... slow down. The other guy was helping you?" Bruce's disbelief was plain. 

"Yes." Tony grabbed Bruce under the arms and lifted him. "Your turn now. Pull that red lever when I give the word. It'll disengage the mag-lev long enough for me to get clear of the rotors."

"Get clear?" Bruce glanced at the lever, and then over at the turbine. "Tony, no. If you're thinking what I'm thinking..."

"Yep!" Tony patted Bruce on the shoulder. "Great minds and all that. If I don't get that engine going, it's crash city. You got it? Right?"

"Yeah. Right." Bruce leaned against the wall. "Go. Do your thing. I'll get the lever."

Tony paused just long enough to reassure himself that Bruce wasn't going to faint, and then he flew over to the turbine and cut away the debris fouling the turbine. Once the blades were clear he settled in a level place near the shaft and began pushing. The suit was providing the force, but his muscles had to guide it and keep it circling at the precise angle. The faster it went, the harder it was to resist the centrifugal force, which ok, as a scientist he knew this wasn't actually a force, just inertia, but hey, _YOU_ try dancing between the blades of a fan big enough to turn you into coleslaw while your body is telling you something is dragging at you sideways and you can be all picky and pedantic.

The turbine slowly caught, scraping sparks as misalignment made the blades hit the edges of the housing. It would wear off soon enough, he just had to keep going. Faster. Faster. Yeah. He felt less resistance. The blades began to move on their own. Almost... 

"PULL THE LEVER!" He was barely pushing the blades- he could fly faster than them, sure, on a straight line but he'd fly directly INTO the next one first and become Tony Sushi. The turbine kept increasing speed. There was the illusion of Tony falling back as the blade began outpacing him. "LEVER! NOW, BRUCE! LEVER!" Tony was knocked from blade to blade, tumbling out of control. The armor was taking a beating, and so was he.

The fan abruptly slowed. Iron Man fell out of the turbine, boot repulsors stuttering. He stabilized roughly and flew back to the place where he'd left Bruce. "WHAT... oh." Tony looked at the scattered bodies of the mercenaries, their twisted and flattened assault rifles, and the gaping hole leading to the inside of the helicarrier. There was a puddle of blood below the lever, and blood-stained hand prints on the wall beside it. A few feet away the blood spots turned green. Bruce had stayed at his post while being _shot_ , holding back the transformation somehow until Tony gave the order. "Bruce! George!"

Tony clumped through the helicarrier as fast as his limping suit would allow, following a trail of gamma-irradiated blood, smashed walls and other signs of a really pissed-off green giant. "Jarvis? Jarvis, link into the helicarrier comms. Find out what's going on with Loki, general status of the helicarrier, anything about Bruce Banner and his green body-buddy."

"Helicarrier systems have stabilized at flight sustainable level, however it is unlikely to remain viable indefinitely. Emergency patches are being installed on hull breaches to permit a return to marine transport."

"Yeah, ok, figured that much." Tony whacked the side of his helmet. "There's a buzzing in my ears. Loose connection?"

"Available biodata suggests a minor concussion. I would recommend seeking medical attention."

"Uh huh. I'm looking for a doctor right now. Banner. Find him."

"There have been no reports of Doctor Banner; his other manifestation appears to be moving quite rapidly, but in a random fashion. I can discern no pattern."

"Run a Monte Carlo experiment- Drunken Sailor's Random Walk." Tony paused to push a collapsed door out of the way.

"As 'George' is quite capable of making his own exits, that is indeterminable."

"Yeah. Ok, how about Loki? George is a big boy, he can take care of himself." Tony tried to sound like he believed it.

"Conflicting reports indicate that Loki has been seen at several different locations at the same time."

"Tricky little minx."

"However only one of the reports mentions companions."

"Yeah, that'll be our boy. Can't be an evil mastermind without minions. And a cat. Where is he?" 

"On the flight deck. Loki's forces have a quinjet." Jarvis paused. 

Tony was scrambling up the remains of a deckway, using repulsors in addition to pulling himself up. "What? Did he get away?"

"Yes. Captain Rogers, Agent Romanov, Agent Coulson and a man identified in SHIELD records as 'Clint Barton' have commandeered another quinjet and are in close pursuit."

"That's something anyway." The deckway shuddered suddenly. Tony yelped and looked up. "Oh. Hi, George. George?"

George snarled and shook the deckway. 

"HEY!" Tony flailed, let go of the walkway and used his bootjets to hover jerkily near George's face. "I'm glad to see you, too, but how about we break a few less things. We'll never get the security deposit back at this rate."

"HURTS," George grumbled and sat down heavily on part of the deck that hadn't yet crumpled. It made a groaning noise, but held steady.

Tony landed next to George and lifted his faceplate. "I know. You were very brave and you saved me."

George huffed. "ALL SHOUT AT GEORGE. SHOOT. NOBODY LIKE GEORGE."

"I like you, George." Tony checked George over as best he could without touching. There was a lot of blood, but no visible wounds. Apparently he really was as invulnerable as Bruce had said. "Look, I've got to get back to my tower, and fix my suit. You wanna give me Bruce back, and I'll take him with me?"

"NO. PUNY BRUCE."

"Point." Tony patted George on the arm. "But if you stay here, you're going to get shouted at a lot. Nick is a real scary shouter."

"SMASH NICK."

"Smashing would just make him shout more." Tony reached up to ruffle George's hair.

"SMASH AND SMASH AND SMASH." George leaned into Tony's hand, urging him to rub his head. "Smash."

"Uh huh," Tony said agreeably as George closed his eyes and folded back up into Bruce, who opened his eyes for a moment to look at Tony before passing out.

"Well, that was surprisingly easy." Tony pulled down his faceplate and picked Bruce up in his arms. "Make a note, Jarvis, George is a sucker for scalp massage. Shiatsu foot massage might work, too."

"Noted," Jarvis replied. "I would also like to point out that a large group of individuals armed with what appear to be elephant tranquilizer guns are heading towards your present location."

"And now it's time to say goodbye to all our companeee." Tony fired up his boot jets and took off just as a herd of stampeding SHIELD agents came down the deckway. "M-I-C, See you real soon K-E-Y, Why? Because we like you, M-O-U-S-E!" Tony got out onto the flight deck, wobbled, and then corrected. 

"STARK! STOP!"

Tony hovered, and winced as Nick Fury's voice blasted through his helmet. "Jarvis, you left the back door open."

"I apologize, sir, however I thought it better to allow Director Fury to communicate with words, rather than deeds."

"Yeah." Tony noticed the deck guns aiming in his direction. "I see what you mean. Switch me to Nick's frequency." Without waiting for acknowledgment, Tony said, "Hey, Nick. I saved your ass, say thanks."

"I'll say 'put down Dr. Banner' and I won't flame _your_ ass."

"Uh uh, finder's keepers. I've always wanted my very own astrophysicist, and now that I've got one who comes with a bonus giant green rage monster, I'm not giving them up. I'm going to pet him and hug him and I've already named him George."

"Fine, you know what, keep him. Your tower is under attack. Handle that, smart guy."

Tony didn't trust Fury half as far as he could throw him without the suit, but it would be fairly pointless lying about something Tony would discover in a couple of minutes. "Thanks for the heads up, Nick."

 

The suit was stuttering, with occasional stomach-dropping dips and swerves when one or both boot repulsors failed entirely. Tony felt like a drunken butterfly. As he neared Stark Tower, he saw Captain America and his cohorts, including Agent, William Tell Jr, and Natashalie, in a free for all against the tall, dark, and homicidal team of Loki and his merry band of heavily armed minions. Team Loki surrounded some sort of device which a minion, wearing non-combatant plaid, was apparently hooking into the arc reactor power grid. The Tesseract glowed blue in the center. Tony really didn't like the look of that at all. He yelled, "Woah, hey, unauthorized alterations! Landlord here! That's a BIG NO!" Unsurprisingly, no one paused in their fighting. It looked like the guy hooking up to piggyback off Tony's wifi was down to only a couple cables left before the thingamabob would have enough juice to run Stark Tower for a year. Or destroy a hell of a large portion of New York City in a few minutes.

Tony pogo-sticked to the commercial building nearest Stark Tower and deposited Bruce on its roof. Bruce landed with a thump, rolled over and sat up, looking around groggily. "Tony? What?"

"It was good for me, dear. Was it good for you? Call me, ok?" Tony turned back towards his tower. "Jarvis, what do you think of blasting that thing?"

"It appears to contain an unclassifiable energy source, sir. I recommend caution."

"Uh huh. So I'll blast it cautiously." Tony aimed at the connecting conduit to the arc reactor, but Bruce tugged at Iron Man's arm which didn't do much, of course. "What? I'm working here."

"Tony, that... the man next to the device... he's Erik Selvig. I know him. Please. Don't hurt him. He can't be doing this of his own free will."

"I'm running out of options here, Bruce!" Tony sighed. "Fine, fine. My aim's shaky anyway. I'll just go pull the plug."

"Thanks, Tony."

The boot jets were even more ragged after the brief respite on the roof, so Iron Man swept in with all the grace of a fat-assed goony bird. He knocked over a few mercenaries when he stumbled to a landing. "Sorry. Not sorry. Open house is next week!" 

"Ah," Loki said with a sneer. In the middle of a melee, and he looked as unruffled as if standing in the middle of pile of puppies. "I must agree, it is rather crowded, is it not? Perhaps I can help?" He reached up casually to deflect an arrow aiming for his face. The arrow landed on the roof at Nat's feet, and exploded, tossing her into the air, and over the edge of the roof.

"No!" the archer shouted and ran straight for Loki, who backhanded him, sending him flying after Nat. Coulson had been fighting at his side, and took enough of the blow to land, crumpled against the low parapet. He shook his head, and started to get up, but fell again, slumped in apparent unconsciousness.

Tony tried to take off, but the boot jets sputtered one last time before giving up entirely. "That was a mistake," he told Loki, trying really hard not to think about the people still falling from his building. "Now you've pissed us off." The palm repulsors were still functional. Tony glanced at Captain America, who had stared in shock for a moment, before resuming smacking the remaining minions with his shield. Their eyes met, and Tony raised his hands at the same instant Cap tilted his shield at the perfect angle to reflect the energy right at Loki.

Somehow Loki got his gauntleted arms up before his face, and the energy bounced again, this time hitting the nearly completed device. Selvig fell back with a shout as a crack spread across the metal. "It's going to blow!" 

Tony had promised Bruce... he lunged between Selvig and the gadget, taking the full force of the explosion, which threw him in Loki's direction, skidding on his back and leaving a trail of sparks. Tony banged his head against the inside of the helmet. He felt himself pulled to his feet without benefit of repulsors. The whole suit was off-line. "Jarvis? Jarvis, buddy, I could really use... Ow." Tony blinked and jerked his head back instinctively from Loki's gloating face as his face-plate was ripped off. "So," Tony said, "Ready to give up? Cap and I have got you surrounded."

Loki laughed. "You know, falling is only difficult the first time." He took a long stride over to the roof edge, carrying Iron Man along with him, easily. "And this time I shall bring you with me, to serve me in hell."

Captain America lifted his shield. Tony had no idea what he intended to do, but he sure hoped it would work.

Tony was still looking at Cap when he was shoved forward, towards the middle of the roof, landing on his belly this time. There was a familiar roar. He levered himself over onto his back and grinned at the sight of George holding Loki by his ankles and smacking him against various bits of roof. "George! Give him one for me!"

George rumbled agreeably and continued using Loki as a ping-pong ball against the roof.

Captain America and Selvig watched. "Um," Cap said after a few more seconds, when Loki's sneers had turned to kitten-like squeaks, "Maybe he's had enough?"

"NO," George said, "SMASH AND SMASH AND SMASH." He bared his teeth. "HE HURT GEORGE'S FRIEND. SMASH AND SMASH AND SMASH." George punctuated each word with another swat. Loki was beginning to look a bit frayed around the edges.

Tony waved a hand. "Get me up, and I'll talk to him." 

Cap shifted his shield to one hand, and came over to Tony, pulling him upright and putting one of Iron Man's arms over his shoulder. Selvig stood back, looking from George and Loki over to the demolished machine. "Ah," Selvig said, "the Tesseract. We should... it's not safe. It should be in its container."

"You do that," Cap said. He was helping Tony move the dead weight of Iron Man over closer to George.

"I can't. The gloves are gone. You can't touch it with your bare hands."

"Got it," Tony said. He reached out to pat George on the arm. "George. George, I know you're having fun, but I need your help here."

"HUH." George dropped Loki who slumped and whimpered. He had the beginnings of two beautiful black eyes. George poked a finger into Cap's chest. "FLAG BOY."

Cap made a strangled noise and then he nodded. "Close enough."

Tony grinned. "Yeah, Flag Boy's a good guy. Look, George, you see that shiny blue cube? We need you to put it away in its box so it doesn't hurt any more people."

Selvig held up a metal briefcase fitted with packing designed to mold around the Tesseract. "If you wouldn't mind?" He sounded scared, but Tony gave him props for standing up in front of George at all.

George scowled but he took the case.

"Help," Coulson said weakly. Tony turned, partly on his own, but mostly because Cap dragged him along. "I can't.... much longer. They're slipping."

"What?" Tony and Steve said in synch. 

Coulson looked up at them. He moved slightly, so they could see the line stretching from under his body over the edge of the parapet. "Barton and Romanov. Grappling arrow."

"Huh, that's clever. Hey, Cap, tie the line around me. I can be an anchor, anyway." Tony sat down once the line was secured around his armor, and he and Coulson watched as Steve hand over hand pulled up the line. 

Natasha's head appeared first. She put her hands on the parapet and pulled herself over. She lay flat on the roof and just breathed. Clint came up next and fell to his knees next to her. "You ok, Nat?"

Natasha waved at him. "This... was nothing I was ever trained for." Then she sighed and sat up, looking around at the destroyed machinery, the unconscious minions, and Loki's crumpled, moaning form. Her lips twitched up in a smile. "Mewling quim," she said as she got up.

Coulson laughed, and then covered it up with a cough. "I should call Director Fury and tell him the Tesseract has been recov..." He stopped in mid-word. "Dr. Banner. Would you care to put down the Tesseract?"

Tony managed to turn on his own. George was holding the Tesseract between his hands and staring at it. Just standing and staring. Tony sighed. "George. George, wake up and smell the coffee. C'mon, George." Tony thumped at his chest, but the unlock mechanism still wasn't working. "Ok, fine, he does this, it's not a big deal."

"He zones?" Clint said with an air of disbelief. "Sentinels zone. That is not a Sentinel."

Tony scowled at her. "He's a little autistic, so what. Don't pick on the guy."

Coulson studied George dubiously. "Pick on him?"

"Yeah. He doesn't like being shouted at or shot at." Tony shrugged, well, _he_ knew he shrugged. It didn't translate too well through the dead suit. "He's really a very sensitive, caring guy."

Natasha raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything.

"Sensitive?" Cap said.

"Is there an echo around here? I don't think so. C'mon, get me out of the suit, and I'll talk the big guy down."

"Ok," Cap said agreeably. "How?" 

Tony scowled. "I need... a little jump start." Tony looked at Coulson. "Now's your chance, you always wanted to taser me. Here." He pointed to the arc reactor casing. 

"All right." Coulson reached into his pocket, but Cap held up a hand.

"That's going to hurt, isn't it?" Cap looked at George. "After seeing what he did to the last person to hurt Tony, I don't think that's such a good idea."

"Um," Selvig said, hesitantly, "I really think we need to get the Tesseract away from him. Now." He pointed at George's face. Flickers of blue were shimmering over the green of his wide, blank, eyes.

"Taser, Coulson, NOW!" Tony shoved Captain America, catching him in a distracted moment so he staggered a step away. Coulson didn't hesitate, bringing up his taser and shooting Iron Man in the center of the reactor.

The suit flashed, sparked, and opened like an origami box, releasing Tony in his t-shirt and dress slacks. "YEEOOW," Tony shouted. The suit had absorbed most of the charge, but thanks to the cracks caused by the turbine, a fair amount leaked through. "THANK YOU, SIR! May I have another!" He shook his head and shuddered.

Captain America looked pained. "I wish I hadn't understood that."

Tony walked over to George, and patted him on the arm. The muscles were rigid, like steel bars. "George? George, Sweetpea, let Tony put that stupid block away." Tony ran his hand down George's arm to the fingers, but they were locked in a cage around the Tesseract. "C'mon. You don't wanna go all blue, it's not your color."

From his crumpled corner, Loki chuckled. "The Tesseract is taking him over. There's nothing you can do. It's an unstoppable force, beyond your limited imagination."

"Like hell." Tony turned away from George. "George is invulnerable. I'll blow the damn thing up. Just let me get something from the suit."

"NO!" Selvig shouted. "You can't... I learned from it, about it, while I was under its control. It's not normal material, not fully _here_. If you attempt to destroy it, you'll just destroy the barriers separating dimensions."

Tony scowled. "Crossing the neutron streams: bad. Got it." Tony rubbed the back of George's hand. "C'mon, big guy. I know you're in there. You came out for me before. You can do it again."

Natasha said, "You keep acting like he's a Sentinel. He's never shown any of the signs, not in any of the records the army..."

Coulson held up his hand to interrupt her. "You didn't have time to access his full file. His early childhood was traumatic in the extreme. Among other things, his father called him a monster. It's possible he suppressed Sentinel abilities and they've only now emerged, linked to this personality."

"I don't think we have time to get him an analyst," Clint said. "His eyes are almost all blue." He fitted an arrow to his bow. "Maybe I can't kill him, but I dunno, I don't think anyone tried putting an arrow in his eyesocket."

"Wait! Wait, just... give me a chance!" Tony said, trying to get between George and Clint, but he wasn't tall enough to cover George's face.

"Sorry." Clint aimed carefully.

Captain America moved, putting his shield in front of the bow. "Give him a minute."

Tony didn't waste time being grateful. He pulled at George's arm and tried to shake him. "GEORGE! BRUCE! I know you're in there, Bruce! Don't give up. Fight it!" He looked up into George's face, and blinked. There was a huge frog sitting on George's shoulder. "George? There's a frog on your shoulder."

Clint muttered, "Now Stark's gone nuts. There's no frog."

"Stark!" Coulson snapped, "That's his spirit animal! Talk to it. If you can see it, you must be his Guide."

Tony glanced at Coulson. "That... ok, maybe." He looked at the frog. "Hey, Froggie, tell George, or Bruce, to drop the cube. He's got to drop it. Please!"

The frog walked down George's arm. Its tongue shot out and licked between his fingers. George's hands opened and the cube fell to the roof. George staggered back and sat down heavily, shrinking into Bruce. The frog plopped down and sat at his feet. "Tony?" Bruce said, looking around in exhausted confusion. "What happened?"

"Tell you later." The cube was glowing even brighter. Tony reached for it. If he was right, it would kill him, but not immediately. He should have time to get it locked away in the containment case.

"No!" Bruce shouted.

Tony paused and looked at him. "Sorry, Bruce." No one was close enough to stop him. His hand was a few inches away from the cube. 

A black and white bird appeared, perched on his arm. "What?" Tony shook his arm. The bird made scolding noises at him, then it grabbed the cube in its claws and fluttered over to the open case, dropping it in. It strutted a few steps before flying over to the frog and perching on its back while it preened its feathers.

"Um," Bruce said, "Tony, your magpie is sitting on my frog."

"Frog and Magpie are friends," Tony said with a grin. "Really good friends." He winked at Bruce. Bruce blushed.

Clint asked, "Hey, can I shoot Loki? Hate to waste a good arrow."

Everyone looked at Loki. Finally Coulson said, "No, Barton. Unless he tries to escape."

Clint looked at Loki hopefully. Loki leaned back against the wall. "I could use a drink," he said.

"First thing you've said that I agree with, Rudolph." Tony made his way over to Bruce, stepping over debris and assorted minions in various stages of semi-consciousness. He sat down next to Bruce. Bruce leaned against him. The moment they touched the magpie and frog vanished. Tony threw an arm around Bruce's shoulders. "I'm hungry. How about you?"

"I could eat." Bruce looked down at his naked body. "I think I might have trouble getting served at a restaurant."

"I'll lend you something." Tony grinned. "You look really good in green."

"What about..." Bruce waved his hand around the rooftop.

"Oh, yeah. Hey, guys, can someone call Fury? Clean up on aisle fourteen." 

Coulson pulled out a cell phone and muttered into it while Selvig closed the briefcase and picked it up. Captain America, Clint and Natasha began dragging the semi-conscious minions towards the quinjet. Loki whimpered softly.

"Yeah," Tony said. "This could be the start of a beautiful friendship." 

Bruce rolled his eyes, but then he smiled and laid his hand over Tony's. "Yeah."


End file.
